Staycation

Dogs Breath (the Wife) said “can we go on holiday abroad?” I said “what’s wrong with Devon? The people are nice, the Hells Angels have all got mopeds

As I’ve said, we live in a tiny village, and there was excitement on the high street yesterday, with people gossiping about the Headlines in the local paper! LIBRARY GETS NEW BOOK The village has got a new set of traffic lightsbut before they where fitted on the high street, all the residents were asked what colours they would like Also.. they do marry each other, but not from outside the village, they find a wife by looking in the Countryfile magazine I’ve been told you can swap a sheep or pig for a bride! One guy in the pub told me if he dies, his wife can’t touch his money until she’s old enough

They may be cancelling I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here I know who’s bush I’d like to be in

The wife wants to get a tattoo I said “why don’t you get one above your minge saying f**king CLOSED” Mind you, she’s a great cook.. that’s if you don’t mind burning your tongue on her Ice Cream We have a security camera in the kitchen, just in case she tries to poison me! She made a cake with bubblegum in it, it took 2 f**king weeks to eat it I’ve found some lard in the pantry so we may have an early night tonight if you know what I mean She said to me “is PREPARATION: H any good for a fat lip”