Strawberry Fair

Hi all you lovely people, I’ve just got back from the food bank, apparently they don’t do Caviar or strawberries & cream from Harrods (I Wish). At least I can tell Stork from butter it’s f**king cheaper for one

A woman in the Post Office said to me “I know you! you are a household name!” I said “so is a bl**ding dustbin!” She said “I saw you get a standing ovation once” I said “Oh which Theatre was that at?” She said “it wasn’t in a Theatre, it was the in the VD and Piles clinic” She said “What brings you in here?” I said “threatening letters from the Gas and Electricity board” It’s an awful world, every time I breathe someone in China dies! I said “why not use mouth wash” By the way do you have cotton wool balls? I said “who the fuck do you think I am? Dougal from the Magic Roundabout” (it’s a joke)

Dogs Breath (the Wife) said “You don’t look very hungry to me! “I bet your photo can’t fit in your wallet! (cheeky bitch)

As a child, we first lived in a house which was that far from the shops it took us 2 days by donkey! Our gardener was called Albert Wankbreak one day a guy from the social came and he said to me “do you have a wankbreak?” I said “your joking he’s lucky if he gets a cup of tea” We moved to a rough area, and we would let the postman steam his letters open on our kettle The window cleaner said “I see you’ve got an outside toilet I said “yes and nobody’s pinched the bucket yet” In those days, it was first one out of bed got the socks Dad said that Santa Claus was the bogey man We weren’t prosperous at all.. our Rice Crispies used to go Snap Crackle and Flop