Don’t women say the daftest things
Dogs Breath (the Wife) said “I’ve just picked my Leopard skin coat up from the cleaners, it’s spotless!” 
She said “I saw a lovely jacket for you, it was only 6 Quid” I said “it’s the f**king dry cleaners it’ll belong to someone daft arse”
I had the urge to rip her knickers off the other day, well they are dead tight on me! I had no clean undies 
The pub was open on Saturday night
George the barman said “what would you like?” I said “surprise me” so he showed me a photo of my wife in the nude 
I said “nice try George, but it can’t be her, her legs are closed”
My Dad used to always say “I’d like to live until I’m 100yrs old and receive a letter from the Queen” 
I’d say to him, “Dad you’ve got 9 kids, you should have got a letter from the chemist” 
I said “Dad you could have had a f**king football team”
he said “not really son, because your mam had no inside left” (sorry about that shite gag ). We used to say to him, Dad will you pay the rent, because the tear gas the landlord is throwing at us is burning our eyes 
We had a strange family
our pet parrot only knew 5 words! Quick get out the window! 
Mam was telling her sister that Dads mate had some prick on him, she said it was like a six foot hedgehog 
Arthur was at least six feet seven tall when he died, they said the price of the coffin was expensive 
I said “why don’t you put a hand-grenade in his pocket, then he’ll fit in a shoe-box”
Some time ago, it was mentioned that my mate was lazy!
I said no he’s not, he is just very superstitious! He won’t work if the week has a Monday in it 
He’ll stand in a revolving door waiting for someone to push it for him
Be kind to each other 
I’ll text soon
Everyone Stay Safe
Chubbs
