King Size Bed

Hi everyone

Well the fucking heat is that bad, I’ve had to think of G Cummins to get a cold chill down my spine We watched the telly last night, and the wife said “I’d love a man with a Moustache” I said “is that why you’ve grown one It was that warm last night she said “we need a bigger bed there’s not enough room to swing a cat in this one! I said “we’ll just have to buy a smaller cat!”

I was writing a letter, and Dogs Breath (the Wife) leaning over my shoulder said “you write very sexy! It’s a pity you don’t have more lead in your pencil” She’s a swine I said to her “it’s not like you to be funny splitarse!!” I can understand a woman losing a button but not a f**king buttonhole

They are saying, they might take down Eric Morecambes Statue apparently because it reminds us of a time when we loved to laugh fucking idiots!!

Dogs Breath (the wife) shouts! “I’ve got diarrhoea, do we have anything for it?” I said “yes a f**king bucket” (she hates my jokes)

This time last year, l pulled a hamstring during the London marathon! I leapt off the couch too quick The only exercise I get is in the bedroom, and that’s just trying to catch the bitch!! She said to me, you’re oversexed she’s right though, any girl whistles at me, and I get a hard on You start sleeping with a woman, and before long they want to know your f**king name If they gave out medalsfor shagging fat women, I’d win gold every time