Charity Shop

Morning everyone

On the 1st July 1948, the first Oxfam shop opened in Oxford, how do I know this? Because I’m still wearing the same f**king clothes

I went to school dressed as a Nazi Stormtrooper and on this day too, Australia allowed same sex marriages, so Frank could be Ernest or the other way round Yes Chubbs doesn’t miss a trick, I’m full of useless information

I took Dogs Breath (the Wife) to Tenerife last year, it wasn’t for sex, because she took her camouflage nightie with her I used to think a Volvo was part of a vagina If she has a curry, I make her sleep on the couch

I once shared a bed with 2 Chinese women, apparently if you bought Won, you got Won free

I had a dream once, that I was a chicken going through the joys of motherhood, & laying an egg the next morning there’s a turd next to me in the bed

We came out of a nightclub one night myself and dogs breath, she said “I noticed you gave the young girl in the cloakroom a big tip! I said “of course I did! Look at the coat she’s given me, it’s tweed”

I love my wife, her lips could unblock a sink, her vagina could take the top off a beer bottle and her perfume smells like a fresh lager But I’m not a ladies man, the last time I was bitten on the bollocks and the penis by a female, it was by a f**king mosquito god did I suffer