A guy said to me “I saw you at Butlins in 1974, it cost 2 quid a ticket, I said “it’s 5 quid a ticket just to leave now” I remember the organisers were putting me on stage after 10pm so I didn’t frighten the kids Those red coats are a bunch of lunatics! Great days, as you know the winter finished on June the 1st and summer starts on June the 2nd Those chalets they slept in were wall to wall syphilis At the bar, anyone who didn’t try to pass a forged £5 note got a discount It’s a family place, I saw one family share a table, one got the legs another got the glass top and the 3rd one got the tablecloth Someone said “it’s our last supper” I said “Oh! is Jesus coming?” (they didn’t get it) The manager was Slick, he wore a carnation in his lapel, he’d f**ked more models than Bulimia! But not me, I’ve got a body like a dinner lady, strange how I’m not sexy, but my pubic hairs are fifty shades of grey
I must tell you, a mate of mine who is a midget, got a job as a Jehovah’s Witness, that didn’t last long.. he couldn’t reach the f**king doorbells
We’ve had a hectic weekend, I’ve never been so buggered since I dropped the soap in the prison shower
I’m unlucky me, when my mother was told that I may be diabetic, she kept singing to me a Spoonful of Sugar bastard
Remember! tomorrow is the same as today, it’s just not arrived yet.
Be good, and don’t go shopping to Leicester, it’s closed for now!
Stay healthy please
Everyone Stay Safe