Hi everyone, I hope you all had a safe weekend!

You won’t believe what Dogs Breath (the Wife) said to me on Saturday night, “can we put the electric blanket on?” I said to her “for f**ksake it’s July” 😳 I have to keep turning her over when she’s done like french toast 🔥😂 We were both reminiscing yesterday, she said “can you tell me your first ever joke?” I said “yes.. it was two crabs on Robinson Crusoe’s bollocks, one said I’m off, I’ll see you on Friday” 😬😁 she said “no wonder you never got anywhere”… cheeky b*tch!🤨

Well I’m as sick as a centipede with athletes foot! 😬

There’s been no work up to now and dogs breath is tighter than a mermaids tampon 🙏 The way things are going with this Corona, if we were all walking on stilts, we’d still be up to our eyes in shit!😏

I had a dream on Friday night, I’d won the lottery, and I was kidnapped! They had sent one of my ears back as proof that they had me but she said “I’m not convinced🤔 can you send his head” 😳 c**t

She actually said to me “I was only put on this earth to have children, wash, cook and clean” I said “Exactly” 😇

Please be safe 😷 and don’t get daft!

Big loves

Everyone Stay Safe